(via fragileminded)
The Comfort of No One
“ I know no one cares, but needed to vent this.
Have you ever read something that killed you inside? Like a text message or someone’s status. Everything was going fine until you accidentally came across something that you didn’t want to read. You found out something you were better off not knowing. It’s almost as if it was posted just to purposely hurt you. But you constantly read it over and over again just to torture yourself. Because ever since the first day I laid eyes on you, i had never been so terrified in my life by the thought of losing you. But I did, and you’re happy. That’s all I ever wanted but you see, I wanted you to be happy with me. Now I’m stuck here loving you, watching you with another girl who makes you as happy as I still strive to do everyday of my life. And I’ll probably never stop there’s never going to be a day when I just give up and stop loving you. Because I care. Oh god, I care. I care that you were the first person that I could have meaningless conversations with and still be interested. Like about ice cream and licorice, and colors. You were the first person that I could just sit there with in dead silence and have it not be awkward. The first person that I saw, and got butterflies, touched, and got dizzy, kissed, and could pass out because my feelings just overwhelmed me. I remember every single thing about you, and I probably always will. I remember our first words, trying to make you laugh when you looked upset, when you held my hand, when you kissed me… And the sad thing is that it’s a constant battle. A war between remembering and forgetting. And I don’t like these memories, because now when I remember I don’t smile and instead the tears come easy, and I break the promise that I’ve made to myself over and over. But no matter what we are now, I will never forget what we once were. The memory of what we used to be will haunt me. I used to ask myself, will you still love me when I’m under the covers crying, when I feel like a failure, when dark thoughts swarm my mind and i ignore you, when I tell you I’m fine but you know I’m lying, when I’m so angry and confused that I want to end it all, Would you still love me when I couldn’t love myself? I didn’t have to think of answers. I was sure that you would always be here. Caring. But now I wonder if you ever even cared in the first place. So take this razor and sign your name across my lifeless wrist, so that everyone knows that you’re the one that did this to me.
Have you ever read something that killed you inside? Like a text message or someone’s status. Everything was going fine until you accidentally came across something that you didn’t want to read. You found out something you were better off not knowing. It’s almost as if it was posted just to purposely hurt you. But you constantly read it over and over again just to torture yourself. Because ever since the first day I laid eyes on you, i had never been so terrified in my life by the thought of losing you. But I did, and you’re happy. That’s all I ever wanted but you see, I wanted you to be happy with me. Now I’m stuck here loving you, watching you with another girl who makes you as happy as I still strive to do everyday of my life. And I’ll probably never stop there’s never going to be a day when I just give up and stop loving you. Because I care. Oh god, I care. I care that you were the first person that I could have meaningless conversations with and still be interested. Like about ice cream and licorice, and colors. You were the first person that I could just sit there with in dead silence and have it not be awkward. The first person that I saw, and got butterflies, touched, and got dizzy, kissed, and could pass out because my feelings just overwhelmed me. I remember every single thing about you, and I probably always will. I remember our first words, trying to make you laugh when you looked upset, when you held my hand, when you kissed me… And the sad thing is that it’s a constant battle. A war between remembering and forgetting. And I don’t like these memories, because now when I remember I don’t smile and instead the tears come easy, and I break the promise that I’ve made to myself over and over. But no matter what we are now, I will never forget what we once were. The memory of what we used to be will haunt me. I used to ask myself, will you still love me when I’m under the covers crying, when I feel like a failure, when dark thoughts swarm my mind and i ignore you, when I tell you I’m fine but you know I’m lying, when I’m so angry and confused that I want to end it all, Would you still love me when I couldn’t love myself? I didn’t have to think of answers. I was sure that you would always be here. Caring. But now I wonder if you ever even cared in the first place. So take this razor and sign your name across my lifeless wrist, so that everyone knows that you’re the one that did this to me.
(Source: ailuroidea, via kill-that-devil-inside)
(via suicidal-smiles)
(Source: serialstranger, via charred-inn0cence)
(Source: mylittleandamazingworld, via suicidal-smiles)
(Source: pemberle-y, via fragileminded)
